Voyage of the Damned

I just saw a banner ad for a Crystal Cruises sailing. . .one of those “distinguished speakers” cruises. Your hosts for this particular spin around the Mediterranean? James Carville and Mary Matalin.

 One question. . . Just who, precisely, is the target market for this cruise?

 Trial lawyers perhaps? I just can’t imagine.

Political junkies who are conservative suspect Carville is the mutant spawn of a tryst between Satan and Pinhead from the Hellraiser movies. They view Matalin, at best, as a mercenary who can’t possibly believe in what she’s doing and remain married to The Mouth of the South.

At the same time many liberal idealogues now view Carville as a soul-free sellout for flacking for Hillary (whom they now hate for being slightly to the right of the Cindy Sheehan/Rosie O’Donnell/Michael Moore axis of lunacy. And they think Matalin is the embodiment of the Country Club Republican caricature that, in their fever-dreams, runs the world to the detriment of mankind and small cute animals.

(Yes, I’m sure both are nice people. And I suspect I would probably find talking football with James Carville over a hopsy beverage a pleasant experience.) But again, who is going to be excited about this marquis? I’m back to the trial lawyers. . .and maybe practicitioners of the world’s oldest profession—two groups uniquely suited to appreciate the gifts and expertise of this power couple.