I can’t believe it’s been nearly 28 years since I picked up a book by Duke Robinson titled: Good Intentions: The Nine Unconscious Mistakes of Nice People.

I read it and benefited from it. A lot. And so I pulled it out about once a year for several years after that. I kept reading it until I felt I’d really absorbed and activated the good advice it contains.

This week I found myself looking for that particular book among my shelves. Not only do I need a refresher course on living life as a chronically nice person, I have a few loved ones that could probably use it as well.

Sadly, somewhere in the decades since then, it must not have survived the cut amid one of my periodic cullings of the book collection. There are only so many bookshelves in the house my gifted interior decorator wife will tolerate. (True story: I once donated eleven boxes of books to a women’s prison. And that was after just one “cull.”)

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a nice person. I have every intention of remaining one. Frankly I don’t think I have much choice. I’m hard-wired for niceness. And on top of that, there’s that whole Fruit of the Spirit thing that we Christians have going on if we cooperate with Him. Organically bearing the fruit of love, kindess, gentleness, patience, and the others just tends to pile niceness on top of niceness.

Besides, there are already too many “not nice” people in world. And as some wise, ancient philospher and bumper-sticker-maker once observed:

“Mean people suck.”

No, all I wanted was to stop making those “unconscious mistakes” that we nice people are so prone to making. And when I read the book, I saw that I was consistently guilty of making five or six of the nine.

So . . . what are those nine “unconscious mistakes” you’re surely wondering. Well since the book has been out of print for a couple of decades, I suppose I’m on solid ground giving you a summary of them. Behold . . .

Duke Robinson’s Nine Unconscious Mistakes of Nice People:

1. Trying to Be Perfect: An incessant drive for flawlessness that leads to burnout and dissatisfaction.
2. Taking on Too Much: Overcommitting to responsibilities, often at the expense of one’s own well-being.
3. Not Saying What They Want: Suppressing personal desires to avoid conflict or displeasing others.
4. Suppressing Anger: Avoiding the expression of anger, which can result in internal resentment.
5. Reasoning with Irrationality: Attempting to use logic with unreasonable individuals, leading to frustration.
6. Telling Little Lies: Using minor falsehoods to maintain harmony, which can erode trust over time.
7. Giving Unwanted Advice: Offering guidance without solicitation, potentially undermining others’ autonomy.
8. Rescuing Others: Intervening to help others avoid consequences, which may hinder their personal growth.
9. Protecting Those in Grief: Shielding grieving individuals from pain, possibly impeding their healing process.

It’s possible that the word “boundaries” comes up a time or two in his book. In fact, what most of us chronically nice people need desperately are the two “Bs” . . . Boundaries and a Backbone.

None of the advice or techniques for correcting these mistakes requires becoming a jerk or even being perceived as one (a nice person’s worst fear.) But it does require some self-awareness and a willingness to say what you want, calmly express what you felt, and, occasionally, kindly but firmly telling people you love, “no.”

When we fail life’s “boundaries and backbone” tests, we end up silently resenting others and then feeling guilty about feeling the resentment. And then can resent the other person even more for causing us to to feel that yucky guilt. That’s not fair to anyone. No one, and least no one decent and worth your precious time, wants to be resented. We actually do them and ourselves a dissevervice when we make that common nice-person mistake.

Like I said, I’m due for a refresher course. Now off to the used book sites to find a copy.

This aired on TBN’s Praise program a few nights ago. It’s now available on TBN’s streaming platform. Access if free but you will need to surrender your email address by registering at TBNplus.com to view it. The episode is here:

https://www.tbnplus.com/c/s/sMW1pnGB?episodeId=w2lFbw3K&play=1

My friend Dudley Hall graciously invited me to his podcast to disucss a variety of subjects. In this episode, we tackle AI and the “The Singularity” in the light of what the Bible says about the King and His Kingdom. Have a look!

Also see this post: “Are you Ready to Be Disrupted?“

Did it matter how the Savior of the world died? Did it have to be on a cross?

After all, Jesus was accused by the religious establishment of heresy. And heretics were, in accordance with Levitical law, stoned. In fact, the words of Jesus had, on numerous ocassions, prompted the listening scribes and Pharisees to pick up stones. And the fledgling Church’s very first martyr, Stephen, was stoned by an enraged mob for speaking what they believed were heresies—even as a Sanhedrin “enforcer” from Tarsus named Saul looked on approvingly. Why wasn’t Jesus stoned?

Or why not a priestly knife?

After all, Jesus, the “Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world” was the living fulfillment of all the types and shadows embodied by the Passover lamb. The thousands of Passover lambs being sacrificed over on the Temple mount the day Jesus was cruciified died by the knife of a Levitical priest. Had Jesus similarly been run through with a Roman sword, or stabbed with a rogue Levite’s knife, would His shed blood have been just as effective in washing away Sin?

As Father Richard John Neuhaus once admitted, our questions about the crucifixion and the cross are only “probings into mystery.” But the Bible gives us clues and insights into this—the greatest and most consequential of all mysteries. 

First, the Word of God makes it clear that the shedding of the Messiah’s innocent blood was a vital aspect of His sacrifice. And the Roman process of crucifixion was an appallingly bloody affair. As the writer of Hebrews declares, “without the shedding of blood there is no remission” of sin (9:22).  On the eve of His death, Jesus Himself pointed to a cup of wine and said, “… for this is My blood of the covenant, which is being poured out for many for forgiveness of sins.” (Matt. 26:28)

Yes, the role of Jesus’ shed blood cannot be over-emphasized. However, the mission of Jesus was wider and deepr than just solving the Sin-guilt problem. The New Covenant scriptures make it clear that He left Heaven’s splendor and became the Second and Final “Adam” in order to roll back the Curse that descended upon all mankind, indeed upon Creation itself, when the First Adam fell. 

And here’s the thing . . . 

That fall happened at a tree—the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. And for reasons we may not fully understand this side of eternity, there is something significant about a death on a tree that points back to that Fall and the resultant Curse. In Deuteronomy 21:22-23 we find:

And if a man has committed a crime punishable by death and he is put to death, and you hang him on a tree, his body shall not remain all night on the tree, but you shall bury him the same day, for a hanged man is cursed by God.

The Jews of Jesus day were very attuned to the implications of this passage. They viewed crucifixion as the worst fate that could befall any Jew. Such a person was under a curse and irredeemable. But it was the Apostle Paul who, by divine inspiration and revelation, grasped the full curse-repealing implications of death on a tree. He had those implications in mind when he penned Galatians 3:13: “Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree.”

Yes, the shedding of that blood—a blood utterly untouched by the stain of sin—was essential to bring about a redemption that could pass legal muster in the Court of Heaven. But a sacrificial death that would once-and-for-all-time roll back the curse . . . ALSO had to be a death on a tree. But that’s not all.

There had to be thorns at that tree because thorns were a God-declared outcome of of that curse’s unfolding. (Gen. 3:18) And it had to be a naked and shameful death because the very first indicator that Adam and Eve had severed their life-sustaining connection to God was their shame-filled realization of their nakedness. 

There was no other possible death for that “Seed” promised to Eve. The One whose heel the serpent would bruise. The One who, in His victory over Death, would crush the head of that Serpent of old and make all things new.

Oh, yes. it had to be a cross.

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As anyone who has undertaken a major home remodeling project will attest–the “demo” phase is messy and ugly. (This, no matter how fun Chip Gaines makes “demo” look on TV.) It’s messy and chaotic, but absolutely necessary if something better, upgraded, and improved is going arise.

I’m not exceptionally “prophetic” but I do try to keep my spiritual ears attuned to what the Spirit is saying to me. And back in July, I told the folks on my email list that I believed we—God’s people individually, His Church, and His churches—had entered a season “accelerated transition.” (By the way, if you’re not on my email list, you can remedy that be registering on the home page.)

In the handful of months since, I’ve seen that observation validated in my own life in the cases of many families, institutions, churches and ministries I know. There is a lot of “demo” going on right now. And it feels messy and ugly and chaotic and can feel like things will never look pretty and orderly ever again. But they will.

They will because God has a pen in His hand and isn’t finished writing our chapters. And Jesus, the Head of His Church is:

. . . at [God’s] right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

Ephesians 1:20-23 TPT

The “demo” phase is part of a process of creative destruction. And I believe this season of a “accelerated transition” also is bringing with it big, long, disruptive season of creative destruction—for individuals, businesses, ministries, and churches.

These disruptions and revelations are NOT “the devil.” They are NOT the enemy persecuting the Church. They are God, refining, restructuring, and rebuilding HIS Church and HIS world.

Some big entities are being “demo-ed” right now (“some,” not all). And here’s the thing. As I told a friend today, “I don’t know details in most of these cases. But I do know that the bigger and wealthier any enterprise gets the more incentives the key stakeholders have to keep the party going . . . no matter what.”

And some of these enterprises are very, very big.

And to another friend this week I texted:

“Spiritually, it is ‘pride’ and a sense ‘ownership entitlement’ that are the enemies here, not {person’s name}. God’s not having it any longer. But something wonderful is waiting on the other side of this season. Something glorious.”

This is not “judgment beginning with the house of God.” This is loving redemptive remodeling. Yes, the “demo” phase has begun. But something much better is coming. And that is God’s end game, because being redemptive lies at the very core of who He is.

My encouragement is this. Be on the side of building what God envisions. Not on the side of what has been. Pride, arrogance, entitlement are getting ripped out to the studs. The Master Architect has something much healthier in His plans.