In the wake of Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson’s announcement that she will not seek reelection to the U.S. Senate in two years and might even retire before her term is up, there’s been a flurry of speculation about who would be the best candidate to replace her.

First, let me take my name off the table. If nominated, I will not run; and if elected, I will not serve; if nagged I will put on my IPod and head for the gym. I have way too much going on right now and serving in the U.S. Senate would not only entail a pay-cut but also the need to establish a residence in the most expensive real estate market South of the Upper West Side. So, cancel the groundswell of grassroots support.

With that settled, I like current Texas Lt. Governor David Dewhurst. Dewhurst is on the right side of all the issues; is a gifted politician; and from what I hear, a genuinely nice guy. In my view, Dewhurst is highly preferable to current Governor Rick Perry.

Another interesting option would be former Congressman Tom Delay. A Delay candidacy is appealing not just because he is a real-deal conservative who knows how to get things done in Washington; it would also make liberals and the MSM apoplectic.

If Delay won the Republican primary (and therefore the general election), the teeth-gnashing in Hollywood would be audible all the way to Houston. The garment-rending among the news business elite would send Brooks Brothers stock up 25 points. And Michael Moore’s head would explode and his body would burst into flames—a spectacle that promises to be visible from space.

Good times. Good times.