Why I'm Not a Kindergarten Teacher

 If I’m ever attacked by 17 maniacal five-year-olds with murder in their hearts, I should be okay. That’s the expert evaluation of the web site, howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com.

I’m not making this up. I have this certificate to prove it.


 Add an 18th five-year-old and I’m likely to get my tail kicked, apparently.

The survey I took not only asked questions about my physical stature and fitness, but also my willingness to grab a viscious five-year-old and swing him like a weapon against his grubby little comrades.