Ahh, Minneapolis, Thy Name is Loonville

We enjoyed our 5.5 years in Minneapolis. The city has much to recommend it. If the winter’s weren’t bone-crushing and six months long, it would have been especially appealing. Oh, and there was the depressing fact that a significantly large percentage of the nice folks who live there are bat-guano-insane left wingers. Doncha know.

Exhibit A–A sample ballot from today’s runoff election for Mayor. Behold . . .


Now, you need to know that “Democrat-Farmer-Laborer Party” is what they call Democrats in Minnesota. However, this eccentric, hyphenated brand of Democrat tends to occupy the far leftward side of ideological spectrum. Don’t believe me? Then ponder these three words:

Senator. Al. Franken.

Franken only won the state by 312 votes out of 3 million cast. But Hennepin County, home of Minneapolis, went huge for Franken and put him over the top. In other words, the Democrat Ship in Minneapolis always lists hard to port. Nevertheless . . .

. . . as the ballot above indicates, the DFL is stil much too conservative and/or boring and/or connected to reality for many folks there. As a result, we get candidates like Bill Fiske of the Socialist Workers Party. The SWP is an old-school communist group that traces it’s origins back to the falling out between Leon Trotsky and Joseph Stalin.

“Papa John” Kolstad is a blues singer who doesn’t list a party affiliation (he just identifies as an “Independent Civic Leader”) but he has previously run for office as a “Green Party’ candidate.

I’m particularly bemused by 22-year-old Joey Lombard who appears to be running under the “Is Awesome” banner. I have no information here but I’m guessing “stoner.”

Bob Carney, Jr.’s affiliation is the previously unheard-of “Moderate Progressive Censored” party. Actually, Carney had wanted to declare himself the founding memeber of the “Moderate Progressive Republican” party but had been told he could not use the “R” word in his name–thus the “Censored” bit. So what kind of Republican are you, Bob? Moderate? Or Progressive? Which is it? Clearly NOT conservative. That’s the message that’s coming through for me.

Riding alone at the other end of the crazy train is Bob McGaughey and his “New Dignity Party.” Based on this web site, this party appears to be three old white guys who are cranky about white men being put down all the time. They’re not against other races, they assure us, they just hope to champion a little self-esteem building among white folks.

Oh, but the tangiest lemon in this electoral fruitcake is John Charles Wilson, founder and standard bearer of the Edgartonite National Party. I’ll let the ENP’s own web site copy explain their . . . um . . . distinctives:

The Edgertonite National Party exists to secure political independence for the people of the Midwestern United States and a homeland for the Lauraist religion. We use the term “Nation of Edgerton” to describe the area within a 240-mile radius of Minneapolis, Minnesota. We are a non-traditional Communist party, based on the ideology of Lauraism: the belief that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God, Communism (public ownership of business) is the best form of government, age of consent laws should be repealed, public transit should be returned to the routes, fares, and schedules of 18 September 1970, the Nation of Edgerton should secede from the United States as a Lauraist homeland, and all people, including children, deserve as much personal liberty as possible consistent with public safety and the rights of others. Capitalism is a per se violation of people’s rights by exploitation.

Yep. If you’re a communist pedophile ready to affirm the deity of Little House on the Prairie girl and ride around on buses cheaply–you’ll feel at home in the ENP.

Oh, by the way, founder John Charles Wilson came up with many of his more innovative policy initiatives while a patient in a mental institution or, as he puts it, “the nut house.”